Have you ever had a scripture that was your scripture? You know what I mean? It points directly to the situation you are dealing with. It immediately quiets your fears, and stirs your heart. It is God's little post-it note just for you...What about attending the church service and feeling like the pastor read your journal while preparing the message? I must admit, I love when that happens. It's like God knows the concerns of my heart, wants me to know that He hears me, and He cares about what I care about.
Psalm 138:8 has been that for me lately.
But I must tell you a secret. I have been so wishy-washy with God's plans for my life lately. I'm not proud of it, but it's the truth. It seems like in the same minute, I can be so resolved, so hell bent (I'm not cussing..lol), on staying the course, and seeing this thing through to the end, and poof, just like that...I'm over it...full blown temper tantrum; kicking and screaming...I don't want to do it!
Yep! Wish I were lying to you, but I'm not...here's the story...
A couple of months ago, I was approached by my church to work on a couple of projects; namely a Youth Discipleship Program, and a Purity Program. Now, as I sat in this meeting, my hands wrote the notes to capture the moment, but my heart and thoughts were racing...I had a smile on my face, but on the inside all of the sirens were blaring! (Gotta love the English teacher in me..lol)
I mean on one hand, I was super excited...and by the time I had made it to my car, I was totally unconvinced.
The original deadline to have a timeline and plan of action in place was October 10th...a couple of days before SPARK, and I'll just be honest, even though something came up and my deadline was extended; I wasn't ready to do it, because I didn't want to do it...even though I know I was supposed to do it.
And I know exactly why. I know exactly the plan I want for my life, and this little excursion, isn't in my blueprint. Now, some of you as you read this are rolling your eyes and judging me, because you know that I will not win this battle. I may delay the blessings that await me, I may even travel off course, but I won't win. I know this....trust me I know, but it doesn't make it any easier.
I'd much rather be married, having my own kids, and prepping my own babies with hearts for Jesus. I mean really Jesus, when can we move on?! I don't want to be that girl that turns into a grown woman (even though technically I am grown, but sometimes even I question it), and never gets married because she's so wrapped up in the Kingdom business. Does that sound just as horrible as it reads?
But seriously peeps... God love David, and his heart for Jesus, his total life committment to the things of God, but I am NO DAVID!!!
And then those words creep in...'the Lord will perfect that which concerns me...' Even though it's not my ideal perfection...even if we take a plane instead of the nice train ride I had planned...He will take care of it. And that is good enough...even when I don't feel it all the way to the soles of my feet, it is good enough. It is. Yes Lord...