Tie Dyed Shirts on a Friday Night!

I know that one day, I'll look back on this time in my life, and long for a brief moment of solitude. When I'm not answering to "Mommy," or other terms of endearment. One day, I just may miss boarding a bus on a promising Friday night, to stand in the heat...and be you know...cheerful! Or the tons of hugs I get a day...no matter how many times they rolled their eyes at me...(I figure it's just preparation for motherhood)


I'm sure there will come a time when my impromptu trips, outings, dinners with friends will be exchanged with family dinners...where I probably don't get to eat because I'm playing referee...

Or those times when I can just pick up and go because no one in the world is affected by my being home...but me!

And let's not even mention the fact that most days I eat fruit pops or cereal (when my milk isn't bad), for dinner...not having to cook if I don't want to.

Yes, one day...I am hopeful that this life that I'm living today will be very different. Still awesome...still fulfilling, still pursuing my passion...but different.

Until then...I've got on my tie-dye "WE LOVE THE WILDCATS" shirt...headed to a game...because TODAY, this is my life...but I'm so looking forward to ONE DAY!

'Set Apart'

About a month ago, I was asked to speak at a Dance camp for young women for an organization that a girl from my church started. To say that I was humbled and scared is an understatement. {Be careful what you pray for....God listens...anywho...I digress...}

The organization uses Proverbs 31 as an anchor scripture, and I was asked to speak around a verse or two from this chapter. The title of my session was "Know your Worth," a topic that I feel so strongly about when it comes to pre-teen and teenaged girls.

Now, after I got over MYself, and MY fears, I think my message was relevant, and they got something out of it. For starters, girls are bombarded with images of perfect bodies, hair, teeth, skin, feet, you name it, BOYS, and the bar is so high. It can be so overwhelming to be a teenage girl in 2011...{can I just say how HAPPY I am to be an adult with all of this social media..high school would have sucked...oops can I say sucked...??}

In preparation for this devotion, I began to think back over my childhood, and what influenced the decisions I've made thus far. I'd like to share them with you...you know, because you're dying to know...

I shared with the girls, that I can recall during family prayer time my parents praying that I would be 'set apart,' and a leader...not afraid to go against the grain... (Now, depending on the day and situation, this independence totally kicked them in the butt because you know..I've been known to be a tad bit stubborn...and relentless when I think I'm right).

Anyway...I HATED the 'set apart' portion of the prayer. I didn't want to be set apart. I wanted to be a normal teenager...I wanted to sin and not care...I wanted to not feel conviction for when I mistreated people...but what can I say...my parents are good prayers...lol!

Fast forward to a set apart adult...there really isn't much difference.....it still has its ups and downs, but thankfully my very small inner circle of friends love the stubborn, slightly surly...lol, independent, faithful person that I am. As I think back, I wouldn't trade it for the world...BUT, the hardest part is the people who don't know you that well, and the silent judgment they bring.

I am not perfect, (see disclaimer below), in fact, I can probably out sin you on ANY day...

Disclaimer: I am a sinner. I fall short everyday...I can be hypocritical, mean, stubborn, jealous, gossipy...you name it, the potential is there for me to fall. I deal with loneliness, and wanting the company of a man...(I can't believe I just wrote this...lol). I don't always choose the right...sometimes I am proud of a wrong decision...REALLY proud. Speaking of said pride...I have to check myself everyday ALL DAY...and it is an uphill journey...because did I mention how stubborn I am?! I HATE having to be the bigger person 9.9 out of 10 times...I have a hard time trusting others, and am SUPER guarded...I really could go on and on...but you get the picture.

I said all of this to say...the difference between me and most, is my sin affects me in a different way. It messes me up...you know the conviction that comes with doing wrong? I can recall my godmother telling me that when I was younger and being a handful, she would just pray for God to convict my heart...seriously...worse than any punishment EVER...

But I wish I could display how much I love me some Jesus...I am nothing, NoThInG without HIM!!! My entire life's purpose is to do His work....nothing else is worth it to me...if I lost every friend on this earth, I know I could start over with Jesus...

My relationship with God is so important to me, that I can't apologize for it...I can't explain it...but there is a cost involved, and most days, I'm OK with that cost...but again, I have my disclaimer days...I can tell you though, that the cost associated with loving and living for Christ, is better than the costly mistakes I've made where He wasn't involved...can anyone relate?!?

I hope to help guide an entire generation of little set apart lives. Be it my friends, strangers, and definitely through my work with PDG....I'll leave you with this...today during church, my Pastor asked us a simple question. He said, when we get to heaven, and sit with the great soldiers from the Bible; Nehemiah, Noah, Moses, JESUS, and they began to talk about their days on earth, and the legacy they left...what would I be able to say?!? Think about that!!!

~Peace!

Private...

I have struggled for months with making this blog private...not because I really need to, but because sometimes I hate that people read my private thoughts and could possibly know what I feel..

Now I know that this seems absolutely absurd, because you know, no one has forced me to start this blog...but the truth is the truth...

The truth of the matter is that I need this blog...I firmly believe that if I continue to stand in front of young people, and expect them to allow me to help them, I have to not worry about what people think when I tell them I shed a tear or two, or that I got my feelings hurt..

It has become so much easier for me to pretend that I don't get sad, or you can't hurt my feelings, or you get the picture, but again, that's not the truth!!

The great part is that I LOVE writing! If you give me a pen and a paper, (or a laptop) I can tell you exactly how I feel..I struggle with openly showing my emotions to people in my life who love and care about me! Crazy girl I know!

So...I've said all of this to say that I'm not going to make this blog private, and that I am trying so hard to not be so closed off emotionally... Ministry is being transparent, and I want to truly help those who need my story so they know they are not alone!!

So...if by chance you read this..which is like two people..lol, know that I'm working on it!!

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This I know...

I know that God will redeem this time...I know He hasn't forgotten...


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Lest I Forget...

I mentioned in my previous post that I am preparing for a young women's leadership conference on April 16th! That is officially 10 days away!!! Where oh where has the time gone?! I wanted to be sure to take this time to write down allll of the tidbits floating around in my head right now. Because one day...the very first PINK! Conference will be a fond memory, and it won't be so fresh...or maybe it will be...maybe I'll never forget what this time will feel like! First of all, God is amazing..as if I even have to type that. When I first completed our underwriting packet, I had NO idea who would sponsor us. It was a long shot to me, but clearly not to God. We have raised over $5400, and I really can't believe it. I really can't. I have seen belief barriers broken, mostly mine, and just people SO excited about this...and it blows my mind. The other day, I had a moment of panic...what if the 500 girls that are registered don't come? What if we don't get the food donations to feed them? Will I really have to cook 500 hotdogs? Logistically, is that possible? What if?! However, I've really tried to focus on the fact that this really isn't my project, and that God has it all under control. I just need to do my part, and He will do the rest. Has this been an easy road....definitely not. I am constantly putting out logistical fires, and changing a schedule that I thought was set, but in the end, 500 little girls will benefit from all of the inconveniences we've all shared. My vision is for PINK! to become an organization that is known for mentoring and empowering young women....but I don't know how the Lord will get us there....I'm positive that He will though! I can't wait to journal the pictures here...to share with you what He did....just 10 days...and so much to accomplish in this short time! We covet prayers, and if you have a food 'guy,' send him my way...but really, we need your prayers! Goodnight!

Just in case you wanted to know...

What I've been up to...read along!
1. I've been busy planning the PINK! Young Women's Leadership Conference! I know you haven't heard much about this, and perhaps I should devote an entire post to it...but for now, here's a tidbit. It's a conference hosted by my school, put on by my non-profit targeted towards girls in grades 6-12.

What I envisioned as an audience of 50-100...maybe 200, has quickly grown to 500!!! Humbling to say the least! It's in April by the way, and I'm hoping to catch you up to speed before then!

2. Doing projects for my principal as an intern.

3. Schoolwork...yuck!

4. Cheer practice...when will it end?!

5. Traveling

6. Preparing to present at the AP Conference in Philly next month. About that: I seriously DO NOT belong in a league with the other presenters. So unqualified...pray for me!

7. Answering phone calls from my cousin using the Tango app...she's obssessed, and apparently she thinks I'm cool because she calls almost daily...but it's so cute!

8. Pre-planning for Malitta's bridal shower and bachelorette part in NOLA!

9. Eating tuna and taco soup...LOL!

10. Cutting back on sweet tea.

11. Working on holding my tongue...this is SO hard!

12. Getting excited about the warmer temps! Cut sandals and wedges, skirts and dresses, and a really great tan!

13. Balancing my life a little more. I'm still working hard on this one because I am really SO busy. I know I say that a lot, and I actually thrive off of the busyness, but a little lull would be nice!

So...now you know what I know!!!

The Real Thing

It is no secret my love for iced tea! I could drink it all day, everyday if my kidneys could keep up. The problem is...it's not good for my weight loss plan..but I digress!

Earlier this week, I was out to dinner with my friend Kim, and I decided to treat myself by ordering a glass of iced tea. I was SO excited because I have cut WAAAAY back on my iced tea consumption. I'd like to take a moment to explain to you what iced tea does for me...

It's like my coffee, my soothing drink, my stress reliever. If I am having an especially rough day...iced tea will most likely calm my nerves...it's my happy place! (OK, now that I sound like a COMPLETE psycho...I'll get to the point!)

So, back to Monday night. Our waitress Candace, don't ask me why I remember her name, brought me my drink, and I immediately took a sip. I couldn't wait. However, it wasn't sweet enough. (Disclaimer: I don't like SUPER sweet tea, but I do like for it to be sweet)

Needless to say, I was so disappointed. I quickly told Kim, kind of under my breath that it wasn't sweet enough, but I wasn't going to send it back....I had decided to just deal with it. Well, Candance overheard and offered to bring me another glass. I thought nothing of it.

Now, I've had this happen before, so I didn't think that this new glass would be any sweeter...so you know what I did? I'm still working on my patience, so I took two packets of Splenda, and tried to 'make it work!' It didn't.

It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great. It had that artificially sweetened taste, and it wasn't what I knew it could be.

However, Candace was true to her word, and brought me another glass, and you know what my exact words to Kim were after taking that sip??? "This was SO worth the wait!" Yep! That's what I said...OK, here comes my point!

In that moment that I spoke those 6 little words to Kim, I heard clear as day God say to me that my season of singleness will be worth the wait...IF I don't settle for an artificial sweetener! WOW right?!

Talk about a punch to the gut. I've never shared this on the 'ole blog, but I went through a season where I settled for a Splenda kind of guy. He wasn't bad (really he was, but I didn't know it at the time), but he wasn't good. He wasn't the real thing...not at all!

Do you know what the definition of artificial is?: made by human skill; produced by humans (opposed to natural)

Do you see that? Can you see what happens when we make our own way? When we try to produce what God so desperately wants to give us for ourselves? I don't know about you, but I'd take natural, God made, and HIS design for my life ANY day than ANYTHING that I can conjure up on my own!

So, I hope this little nugget inspires you to seek the right...and walk in truth!! Don't settle for the artificial when you can have the real thing. It really opened my eyes about how subconsciously I may have been settling and not waiting for everything I am entitled to!

'How sweet are Your words to my taste, Sweeter than honey to my mouth!' Psalm 119:103

**I promise all of my posts won't cover this topic...but I promised Kim I would blog about it!

He has not Forgotten

Today is Valentine's Day, and I have to be honest I was semi dreading it. I hate feeling ungrateful for what I have by coveting what I don't. It's not a characteristic that I like to exhibit...

However, today has turned out to be such a lovely day. My kids were so sweet and couldn't wait to tell me Happy V Day...AND..I'm on a yellow dog with 20 of my favorite Valentines..you can hate me now!!

To be honest...my heart skipped a little beat when I assured myself that one day the Lord would grant me a Valentine that would cause me to forget all of the times when I was my own Valentine...that is what I'm holding on to today folks...that God cares and He hasn't forgotten about me..or you!
Happy Love Day!!!

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And then you have these days...

Sometimes, even when you don't have what you think you want..you can't help but have those moments that take you by surprise, and totally make you grateful for everything you have. I'm having one of those moments right now!!

I.am.so.grateful. I am beyond blessed, and I know it. I hate those days when I lose focus of all I really have!! Life is so short, and I really want to take it all in!!

Just thought I would share that with you guys. I'm grateful..even when I'm whining and throwing a temper tantrum!!


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What if.....

I never get married????? There I said it....I've written it in print for all of the world to see....now you, yes YOU can say that you know the burning question that burdens my thoughts at least a squillion times a day...Don't believe me...really, it's just that many. And, I've found those thoughts to be sneaky suckers too. They pop up into the most random places.

I have to offer this disclaimer....I'm not waiting for a man to come rescue me. My life is not on hold, and yes, I am fully aware that when the timing is right, God will send him to me...I GET THAT! If I were honest, I'd tell you that my life is quite the opposite. I work my fingers to the bone, clocking sometimes 14 hour work days, am juggling a very active social life, and a Master's program, gearing up for my Ed.D program, filling out a charter school app (more on that later), and still focused on creating my non-profit, but well you know the rest. With all of that being said, it doesn't stop my mind from going there. Especially when I'm getting a little older each year, if you catch my drift. Oh, and by the way, I have happened to have read the story of Sarah, and how God blessed her with a baby in her 80s....really people, do you think that makes it better that my singleness is being compared to a biblical miracle....I'm laughing just as I type this! Oh the things people say~!

I guess my purpose of this post is in the last few months, I have encountered many Christian, beautiful, successful, sweet women, from ALL different races who are single, and ready to mingle...sorry, I had to do it! And I want to know why?! Not necessarily from Him, but just why. Why is it that it happens for some, and not for others? I guess the answer to this question is right along side the cure for the common cold.

I'd also be lying to you if I didn't admit that being single at this age makes me ask myself what's wrong with me? I can already hear my good hearted friends yelling at your computers that this is a trick of the enemy, and I am inclined to agree with you, but I am human, and I am/have been guilty of wondering if I am the issue.

You should see the poor look in my mother's eyes when she says, do you have any prospects? Poor thing...she wants grandbabies so badly...and I guess she doesn't get it either...

Oh, and I've heard all of the 'advice', but how about we re-visit for a good laugh:
-you need to get out more (I'm at home to sleep and shower)
-use this time to get closer to God (as if there is a measurement, and everyone knows it but me)
-allow Jesus to be your man (this one puzzles me the most)
-when you're least expecting it, it'll happen (tried that...still single)
-there is so much for you to accomplish as a single... (YES! using this to my advantage)
-you're so pretty...I don't see why you aren't dating (uhh...thanks)
-you're just too picky (maybe, but I'm picky with my fruit too...what can I say?!)
-and my all time favorite from the person who knows me best...J, I really have no clue... (sigh)

I have sincere joy for each person in my life that has found their personal love story...honest to goodness truth here...I'd just like to double date sometimes too! Now before you order my straight jacket...I don't need it...just sharing what's on the heart...no need to panic!

So...here's to a hopeful (or maybe I shouldn't be hopeful for fear of ruining the 'least expecting it' element) 2011. Lots of great stuff going on already, and so much to be thankful for..and truly I am...but again, there are those times...

Happy Friday friends!