Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I don't know what to do...

Hello Friends!
I'm here today with a decision to make. First of all...let me say this...it's nothing life threatening... and I'm looking more specifically for your prayers than advice....does that sound good?!

Because of my school schedule and work responsibilities...I really need guidance on what my role in the Youth ministry at my church is going to look like. The desire to serve and lead is still there...the desire to work on curriculum is still there...but I'm running into the problem of not being able to 'be all things to everyone.'

If you know me in real life, then you know that I hate not being able to do something...to give up responsibilities....to admit that I really can't 'do it all.' However....I am at this point.

Allow me to back up.

Back in the Fall, I began praying for a few things in particular. Specifically how God would use my time/talents, etc in this season of singleness. I started feeling like I spent too much time wondering 'when,' and not operating in a 'now' spirit. I think I actually believed that if I just waited out my days...God would alter His plans and send him sooner....um, yeah...not so much! Thanks to a lady who poured into my life so much at Baylor...I received a little deliverance!

Right around that time...a position for Assistant Cheer Coach became open at my school. (I know I don't really mention the cheerleaders a lot...however, my blog is essentially open for anyone in the world to read, and I have to keep their security and privacy my #1 concern), however...my reluctance to mention them is no indication of the affection I have for these girls. Simply stated...they ROCK!

I digress. I immediately wanted to take this job if given the oportunity, but at that time I already feared that I was over committed. My prayer became that God would have His way...that He would either open or close the door, and that I would be good with that.

Obviously, He opened the door, and I haven't looked back since. My goal from the beginning would be that those girls would see God in me...that I could be someone they could look up to...(in a non-prideful way). I can only hope.pray.cross my fingers that I am being a good role model...sometimes I truly feel like I've missed the mark with these kids...you know, when you have all the patience in the world until they actually force you to use it! Can I get an AMEN parents?

Because of the responsibilities I have with the Cheerleaders, I became less and less available for the youth ministry. However, my heart always remained torn, because I really wanted to do both...technically...I couldn't because I have yet to figure out how to cut myself in half without making a mess.

So much guilt surrounded this time in my life. The relationships I left in suspense with the youth...was I being effective in any area of my life?! Just a mess!

So here's where I need prayer. My responsibilities aren't getting any smaller. I'm wrapping up the process to become a school administrator, and with that...comes major time restraints and long days. But what do I do? Do I continue to sit where I am, which is not really involved with the youth ministry on a day to day basis, or do I dive back in?

I realized a couple of months ago that I'm guilty of over working myself so that I don't feel the sting of not being where I want to be. That's not healthy...godly...or good! I want to be intentional in everything that I do. More importantly, I want to be in the will of God.

I don't take the fact that I can come here and ask you for prayer lightly. I know that not everyone girl is as lucky as I, and for that, I'm truly thankful! However, I so want to make the best choice...God's choice. I'm not giving up the Cheerleaders...I truly feel that God has a plan there, and I can't begin to telly ou what I've gotten out of it already...such an amazing friend in the Head Coach. I digress...AGAIN!

Anywho...it saddens me to think that I may think the youth at my church are dispensible. They are not, but I simply cannot do everything, and if God can work it out so that I can do it all, then I'm all ears. Prayers. PLEASE!

Thanks friends!